LIGHTBULB

Today while I was running through the pouring rain I had an epiphany. I realized while on this exchange yes I will get home sick (some time and to some extent) but it int necessarily "home sick" but rather childhood sick. Being here makes me miss my childhood, because it has dawned on me that I am growing up. Of course if I could join Peter Pan and the lost boys I would (And if it means I must prepare/To shoulder burdens with a worried air,/I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up/Not me,/Not I,/Not me!/So there!) I am living in a foreign country without the immediate safety net of my real family. Yes, yes they are only a phone call, an email or skype date away- but the point is that they are not here. I am living with a new family with new rules, quirks, jokes, routine, and traditions. I am ultimately growing up- and that should scare the living shit out of any one. I am now deciding what I want to do with my life. In my first few weeks in Mettmann I received a letter from Eliana. We got quite philosophical in our letters.. but she asked me" who is Sally Henkel? do you ever think about that what do you think about the most?" well hell if I know.. and if I don't know.. who does?? is anyone supposed to know? Kentucky will always be home plate.. and Germany is just one of the bases along the way (I'm getting good at this cliche crap) but sometimes while I am walking around town or on a run I think to myself.. this is home now and it feels like home. My host family is almost just like my family at home. Leonie is older but Emily is taller.. they quarrel over who stole whose clothes (sound familiar?)... At the end of the day though.. I miss my childhood.. I cannot tell you how many times I have said " when I was little..." The traditions I have at home.. parent "normal" for everyone.. but rather they are things that I did when I was younger, that I don't want to forget or not do every year. For example.. Germans don't celebrate Halloween, but I am SO excited to show my new friends and family how to carve pumpkins and roast pumpkin seeds. Being in Germany is like re-living my childhood.. but from a totally different perspective. I am like the parent showing their child quirky traditions from when I was a kid. That seems to strange to me.. like Germany is my child haha. But I am still a kid myself... just with a hell of a lot more responsibilities (don't tell me.. I know.. it's only the beginning). Callie was emailing me the other day and she said, dude... we are growing up. I sat there for a minute and thought "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit" with a long sigh. It's exciting, but sad at the same time. I guess I should embrace what ever is next, but I also hold my past dearly. So that was my epiphany, being here in Germany doesn't exactly make me sick for home but sick for my childhood. weird, eh?